Where were you the day you were diagnosed?
I was at my parents’ house in my old room on my old bed when I got the call. I was too nervous to hear the results of the biopsy to go back home alone so I stayed at my parents’ house and the radiologist called me the next morning and gave me the news over the phone. It was the day before my birthday!

Were you surprised? (Had you had a feeling something wasn’t right before you were diagnosed?)
I was not very surprised. My doctor had told me that the lump was something else over a year before my diagnosis. It started growing rapidly over a year after I originally got it checked out so I knew it was not normal at all. I also always had really irregular and painful periods so I knew something was out of whack relating to my hormones and the “normal” lump started growing shortly after I got back on birth control which was even more reason for me to believe that.

Official diagnosis?
Metastatic ER+ (positive) breast cancer with mets (metastasis) to my bones and liver. I have a very serious type of cancer, but people can’t tell by looking at me. That is something that I really have been struggling with lately.

Current treatment plan?
Hormone therapy- three (painful!) shots in the butt and one (also painful!) shot in the arm once a month and a chemotherapy and hormone blocker pill every day.

Anything you have found for yourself that was not suggested by your doctors?
Yes! There are so many resources out there that doctors have limited or no knowledge of. I take CBD capsules everyday, completely changed my diet, incorporated a bunch of supplements, and started exercising way more frequently. I also had to do my own research on insurance and employment issues (how to take time off while getting some form of income and not losing my insurance, etc).

Do you see a naturopath?
No, I have not found one as of yet. I do see a great nutritionist at UCLA who works solely with cancer patients.

Do you use or have interest in medical marijuana or CBD’s?
Yes, marijuana definitely helps level out the side effects of my treatment. It helps me with my appetite, anxiety, pain, and insomnia. And I take CBD pills every day.

Any particular supplements that you take?
Vitamin D, turkey tail mushrooms, turmeric, blue-green algae, probiotics. I also make smoothies with plant protein powder, spirulina, and bee pollen mixed in.

How do you balance your treatments, family/friends, job and play?
Oh man- this has definitely been the roughest part of my whole cancer journey and I am still trying to figure it out. I have a full time job as an event coordinator that is very demanding, but I love it. However, I just can’t keep up with it like I used to, at least for now, so I will be transitioning into a slightly more relaxed position with the same organization soon. I have had to miss a lot of work, and some people in the office understand and some don’t, but I have had to drill it into my head that there are laws in place to protect me and people have fought very hard for these laws and rights. Incorporating more of what I love (travel, the outdoors, snowboarding, the ocean, hanging with my dog, music, cooking) into my life is one of my main goals now and a huge part of the healing process. My friends and family have mostly kept me sane. Certain relationships have definitely shifted- some for the worse and some for the better. I have had a couple people step out of my life who I never thought would, but I have also had people step up who I wasn’t even close to before all of this. Dating is also a whole different ballgame now. Most guys my age get scared away, but I’m still hopeful. One of my good friends told me in the beginning that with all of the bad, there will also be good- which has held true throughout my experience.

Yoga or meditation?
Both! I did yoga occasionally before my diagnosis, but am now doing it at least three times a week and it has changed my life. My treatment makes my whole body hurt and I feel like I have the bones and joints of a 90 year old woman thanks to medically induced menopause, but yoga has helped alleviate those symptoms. I don’t even want to know how I would feel right now if I wasn’t consistently practicing yoga. I am still able to snowboard and surf and I think it is largely in part thanks to yoga. Meditation is really hard for me but something I am working on and hope to master one day.

Daily ritual or mantra or both?
Remember to BREATHE! And to always look out for number one… me.

April 29th is just another day for most people, however for me it is filled with crazy emotions. Two years ago my life and body changed forever when I had two cancerous tumors removed, both breasts, and 13 lymph nodes. I am grateful for each day that I get to walk on this earth, however, I will never be the same again. I mean it’s not like I’m wallowing in grief every minute of every day or anything, but cancer is ALWAYS with me and ALWAYS will be with me.

Here are a few things a cancer survivor wishes you knew:

* I didn’t grasp how difficult the treatment was while it was happening. After 5 surgeries in 11 months, I am only now able to realize the extent of the trauma that my body and mind went through

* My left armpit will always feel like someone is sticking me with a coat hanger

* I am constantly reminded of my double mastectomy every time I take a shower and cannot feel the water on my chest

* I cannot open jars or do pushups because I have no tissue or muscles left in my chest

* Just because you see me laughing and carrying on with my life as ‘normal’, doesn’t mean I’m not scared shitless that bad cels will start to grow again and I won’t get to see my kids graduate high school

* I like to hear success stories, not horror stories. Please don’t make a point to tell me about your nanny who had a double mastectomy at 42, only for the cancer to come back two years later and now she’s dead. It’s not that I don’t care about your nanny… I really really do… it’s just that this is my worst f-ing fear, and I simply don’t want to go there

* On the other hand, if a friend of ours is diagnosed and we’re talking about it in a group, don’t go silent and weird when you realize that I’m there. Honestly, I can take these conversations, and going silent makes me feel as though you think I have the plague and that you are all part of the non-cancer club who can freely talk about this, but I’m part of a cancer club. Which I’m painfully aware that I am, I just don’t need to be reminded

* Sometimes I’m so nervous when I go to my oncology appointments, I vomit in the bathroom of the waiting room. But I put on this brave face when you ask me how my appointment went as though it’s no big deal

* I no longer have control over my body and emotions. The chemicals that I take on a daily basis are totally running this ship… some days I barely feel them, and other days I don’t even know who this bat-shit-crazy person is. None of this is deliberate. Please don’t take it personally, and please forgive me. I’d love to not take the drugs, but you see, those same chemicals that sometimes turn me bat-shit-crazy, are the same chemicals that are supposed to keep me alive. Cool.

* When people say “You’re all good now right?”…. what I want to say is that I’m all good unless these f-ing cancer cels in my body decide to grow and take a tour of my body again. You see this is how it works for me now. If my cancer returns, it’s not because I did or didn’t do something… it’s because those are the cards I’ve been dealt

* My heart breaks when I tell Julian that I have a doctors appointment, and he looks at me with fear and asks me what’s wrong. You see, he is constantly afraid that cancer is going to sneak up on us from nowhere… like it did the first time… and there is nothing more heartbreaking than your little boy making you promise him that you are not going to die

* I wish people would stop using the term ‘cancer free’ because you are never truly ‘free’ from cancer. Back to an earlier point…I’m cancer free unless those f-ing cels decide to explore my body again

* I remind myself every day that I am not DYING of cancer, but LIVING with cancer, and I remind myself every day that I’d rather have this life than no life at all.

Stephanie Phillips
Age: 28
CO

August 14th, 2009. That date will be with me forever. It’s not my birthday, or my anniversary, or the day I got my first puppy…it was the day I heard the “C” word directed at me. I was 27 years old and was just told that I had breast cancer.

Like many people on this site, I thought of myself as a “healthy” person by every definition of the word. I watched what I ate, I don’t smoke, I was training for a marathon…but still I was struck by this terrible diagnosis. I spent many nights cursing my body for betraying me, but I didn’t know just how strong I was.

I went through two surgeries. First a lumpectomy with sentinel node biopsy; then a lumpectomy revision (since the surgeons were unable to get a clear border on the first pass due to the fact that my cancer was stage 1 grade 3 DCIS making the tumor border “hazy”) and a port placement in anticipation of chemotherapy. I underwent fertility treatments for egg harvesting so that I could hold on to the hope that some day I will be able to have children. Then I started the chemo…dreaded chemo. Since I was a pediatric oncology nurse for three years prior to my diagnosis I knew enough about chemo to be really terrified by it. I knew I was going to lose my hair, lose weight, get nauseated and not look forward to my favorite foods. What scared me most about chemo was not being able to do the things that made me “me”. I decided that cancer was not going to take the things I loved away from me, so I continued to snowboard through it all…even throughout radiation. Some days I would wake up, look outside and fight with myself to get out of bed. The chemo just made me feel miserable…but after my first run of the day I would feel renewed; as if the cold air and sparkling snow forced a giant breathe of life into me. It was hard to be sad when all around me was so alive and beautiful.

During my treatment I was given the opportunity to participate in the B4BC ReTreat Yourself event at Beaver Creek, and I can honestly say that event changed how I look at life. I am forever indebted to those women I met and rode with. I am now cancer free, my hair has come back (darker and curlier), and I continue to snowboard, skate, run and bike. If there is one thing I can pass on to other women, it would be to follow your instinct. The moment I felt that lump in my left breast I knew it wasn’t right…and I could have easily been patted on the head by my physician, reassured that I was much too young to have breast cancer, and sent on my way. If I hadn’t followed that gut feeling that this wasn’t just a fibrocystic lump, my story could have been much different.

As a cancer survivor and a nurse…I ask all women to be their own advocate; do self exams or have someone do them for you (you’d be surprised how well your husband or significant other knows your boobs). And if it doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t.

Thank you to the B4BC community for continuing to give me the strength and encouragement to keep surviving and living life to the fullest!

James’ Brush With Breast Cancer

Being a man, I would have never thought that one day I would need a mammogram. So you can imagine my shock at discovering a strange lump under my right nipple. I can remember the very moment, fifteen months ago, that something was wrong.

As I picked up my surfboard that day, it brushed across my right nipple and felt as if a razor blade had sliced it off. Although the pain continued to feel unimaginable, I wrote off the lump beneath my right nipple as scar tissue from all my years of serious surfing. After ignoring the lump for several months, my girlfriend convinced me to finally have it checked out. The doctor insisted that there was something there, and proceeded to order a mammogram. As I sat in the waiting room, surrounded by nearly a dozen women, I couldn’t help but suddenly to feel deeply connected to their feelings, their thoughts, and their fears.

When it came time for the biopsy, the procedure went completely awry. The doctor couldn’t stop the bleeding, but he also refused to give me pain medication. Because the tumor was so hard, the needle kept slipping out of it. They ultimately resorted to a puncture biopsy, a procedure that requires pain medication. Almost seven hours later, I was rushed to the emergency room — the bleeding still hadn’t stopped. It took a couple stitches and a fair amount of pain medication before I was released. While the experience was more than excruciating, I’m incredibly fortunate that the tumor came back benign and today I am in fact cancer free– but from today forward I am forever changed. I have compassion, understanding and most of all I want to be a part of the movement. I want to raise awareness in whatever way I can be it surfing, traveling , showing up to a benefit or sitting next to someone who is walking through this disease.

James Pribram

Eco Warrior.

Living a healthy and active lifestyle and spreading a positive message goes far beyond just my love for snowboarding. A few members in my family have struggled with cancer, one being my father, who passed away from lung cancer when I was 14. Having so many of my loved ones go down this disease stricken path, helped me realize that I needed to take care of my body now, in order for it to stay strong longer. Teaming up with B4BC has given me an opportunity to spread a positive message about staying active and living a healthy lifestyle. I love the outdoors and when I am not snowboarding, I am doing yoga, hiking, biking, running, rock climbing, and pairing that with a well- balanced diet. By treating my body good now, I hope I am giving it more longevity later.

The diagnosis of breast cancer is devastating news at any age. When I was diagnosed at 23 every part of me changed. Facing a life threatening illness before I ever graduated from college threw my life into overdrive. I knew that this disease affected thousands of others, yet it was hard for me to relate to the other women at my clinic because all of them were twice as old as I was. I found a strange independence through learning how to deal alone with a bald head or reassuring myself that my peers would not think any differently of me because of the physical changes I had been through. I could talk to family and friends during this strange time, but it was more like telling a story instead of talking to someone who really understood.

I discovered B4BC two years after my diagnosis. I picked up Tina’s book in a bookstore and opened it directly to the chapter about Monica’s story and the creation of B4BC. Since I live in Aspen I called B4BC to see if I could do anything when they were coming in town for the Winter XGames. Justine and I became fast friends and I enjoyed every minute spent with each person associated with the organization. Discovering B4BC has helped me to continue my path of healing by educating and helping other young adults. The mission is so simple, yet so essential to helping women and men understand the importance of being proactive about their health. It’s important for other young adults to be able to access an organization that can put you in direct contact with people who may also feel your pain. I have always told others that the surgery and chemo took the cancer away, but maintaining a positive attitude has helped me to continue to stay healthy physically and emotionally. There are many people that have taken me to the next level of healing. B4BC remains at the top of that list. My dedication to B4BC is beyond what it was 2 years ago and I am confident that soon there will be young survivors that won’t have to start their journey alone as I did.

To me, cancer is one of the most unfortunate afflictions in the world. It’s devastating and I wouldn’t wish it upon anybody. About two years ago, my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. It had a vast effect on my family. But when she stayed strong, pushed through and became a cancer survivor, we felt such overwhelming relief. I saw the strength that was needed to get through the hardship and it made me realize that I wanted to do everything I could to help prevent myself from cancer. When I was introduced to B4BC, I was very glad to join the team. Now, I can use my passion for skateboarding as a way to help myself stay healthy and active to help prevent cancer.

I still remember the day, over a year ago now, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 31. It was the Monday of midterm’s week in my second year of business school. I was over $100,000 into debt to pay for school and then this cancer?

After two second opinions, including a trip to M.D. Anderson in Houston, I opted for a lumpectomy. Two days before Thanksgiving I had my surgery, coordinated so I could take the least amount of time off from classes and interviews. My surgery results were good, and chemo was imminent. Before chemo could begin, I completed egg harvesting (13 baby Katie eggs on ice). In order to finish chemotherapy before graduation, I had to start my first chemo cycle before I had the results of my Oncotype DX test. That ended being okay, though, because the test confirmed the need for chemo. I had a total of six chemo cycles and then 37 days of radiation. I just barely pulled it off, but the treatment was complete just three days before graduation, phew!

For some survivors, certain specific days are etched into their minds. I remember diagnosis day 10/16, surgery 11/21, first day of chemo 12/11, New Year’s Day with no stamina, my birthday, when chemo was cancelled by an ice storm 1/17, last day of radiation 5/15, etc. As a young adult, I also had unique concerns. How could I continue to finish my MBA? Would I need to cancel my semester abroad? Would my friends stand by me? Could I date, even when bald? How could I keep my parents from treating me like a baby, but also ask them to look after me? Could I still have my own babies? What about my job interviews? One of the hardest things was balancing my desire to continue leading my life and the need to treat my cancer.

I did need to cancel my semester abroad (chemo in another country seemed just too complicated, though I would have loved to be the bald girl who conquered Europe). As a result, I was determined to participate in a two-week intensive business course in China, which took place between my fifth and sixth chemo infusions. One of my favorite photos is of me, bald, at the top of the Great Wall of China. My oncology nurse loves that you can see my pollution-filtering mask hanging around my neck. (She and my oncologist had lobbied hard and convinced me to wear the mask, especially in Beijing.)

Chemo was a low point of treatment. My clothes no longer fit me; my stomach was bloated from the steroids. Some nights, as I cried in my bed, I wished I could just sleep the night through. My saviors were my friends and family who stuck strong by me, sometimes even too strong! Yes, at times, I needed to push back and ask for my space. But after having cancer, traveling, finishing my MBA, and exercising even when weak, I realized one of the most comforting things: I am not alone. While each of us is unique in our battle with cancer, I am ever-thankful of the companionship I have found amongst other cancer survivors.

My Essay: The “Benefits” of Cancer has taught me so many things, but these are the three that resound most:
1. Control
2. Passion
3. Camaraderie

I have always been a bit of a control freak, and often planned my life down to the last detail. When cancer struck, I was in the midst of interviewing for a new career and completing my MBA. Control was taken away from me by my diagnosis, and, for a while, I did not know what each day would bring, making it impossible to plan ahead. This has relieved a huge amount of stress in my day-to-day life. I no longer feel the need to plan every detail, and I am more accepting of the fact that I cannot control everything.

Before cancer I never really felt passion, not for a person, not for a cause. Now I am starting to understand what it means to feel passion: passion to learn more about cancer, passion to improve my own health and body, and passion to find ways to help other young adult cancer survivors. I hope to gain a better understanding of how my mental strength can be transformed into physical strength and wellness.

One of the best things I have gained from cancer is my network of new friends. In Austin, Texas, where I was in graduate school, I became a member of the Pink Ribbon Cowgirls. I met other young women who faced breast cancer, and we shared stories, advice and support. I learned even more about cancer, about how differently each person faces cancer, and how no two experiences are the same. When I moved to California, I met a similar group in the San Francisco Bay Area. I’ve also met casual friends and acquaintances in many places, from the bookstore to an airplane, who share their own stories with me. One time, while shopping, a random woman stopped me (I was bald at the time) and asked me about my story; we talked for a while. My friend came up to me later and said how annoying she thought that must have been. But it wasn’t. I cherish any opportunity I have to share my story with others and listen to what they may have to say. This past summer I was fortunate to be able to spend six days with the First Descents program, learning to white-water kayak with other young adult cancer survivors. Together, facing a challenge of a brand new sport, we found quick support in each other and the varied intensities of each other’s stories.

There are other benefits as well. My list grows longer all the time. Even so, I would never wish this upon anyone. It is a challenging battle and it one I am happy to be through.

I think Breast Cancer is personal for everyone now-a-days. As I stride into my 30’s I’d find myself hard-pressed to find someone who hasn’t been effected themselves in some way; whether a mammogram scare, a family member, friend or co-worker who survived or didn’t. My story seems to leave people wishing they didn’t ask so I often don’t tell the whole story.

When I was seven my mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer; she was 45. I initially grew up living an “alternative lifestyle”, when I was born we didn’t have electricity or running water. My dad ran a co-op and my mom raised me in a home my parents built in rural upstate New York. My dad used to brag I never had an ear infection as a child as I was weaned on goat’s milk, brewer’s yeast and black strap molasses. Once I had kids myself I realized the reason I never had an ear infection is because I probably never went to the doctor. Early detection was not on my mom’s radar. She had previously had breast cysts and assumed the one on her left breast was a cyst as well. It wasn’t. It grew and festered until it burst through her skin resulting in what looked like to my seven year old eyes a raw and oozy puss filled volcano coming out of her upper breast. She changed bandages daily and went for radiation treatment. By this time we had moved to the nearby city of Rochester, NY where I went to school, my parents separated and my mom sought treatment locally and abroad.

Before my mom’s last trip to the Bahamas for treatment I remember screaming and crying for her not to go on this trip. Something bad was going to happen. I was certain and I was right. My mom came home in a wheel chair after contracting pneumonia and was bed ridden for the remainder of the winter. My mom chose to do at home hospice and we were truly blessed that our closest family friends and neighbors provided most of her care. I never had to sit in the nauseating stench of hospital rooms and be told to be quiet. My friends and I played while their moms cared for her and wondered what would become of me, a girl without a mother.

Friday April 7th, the day before my 9th Birthday my mom passed away at home. Sunday April 9th I had my 9th birthday party at our neighbors. That was the least painful celebration. I didn’t know at the time that losing your mom at such a young age meant you were embarrassed to tell your dad when you got your period for the first time. You went first time bra shopping alone while your dad explained the situation to the nice lady at the mall and then sat outside, coming in only to pay. I went prom dress shopping with a friend and a credit card. I went bridal dress shopping by myself. My mom missed the birth of her first grandchild and her second. I missed asking her, “How did you do this with no electricity or running water? What were you thinking?”

But losing my mom at such a young age was also a blessing. It made me, me. You have to be strong. You have to figure out how to do it on your own. You have to know what to say to your friend whose breast cancer has returned and now she is dying in the hospital with her 10 year old daughter playing in the waiting room. I suggested she write letters to her daughter for each of her major life milestones. Her daughter would then have a letter to open on her prom night, her wedding night and then birth of her first child. I would have really liked to have that. 
 When I started dating my husband he said, “We’ve got to get you snowboarding”. So we did. He taught me and I fell in love with the whole experience; our time driving to the mountains together, being outside and the thrill of riding down a mountain together. I love knowing it’s a mountain day so french fries and hot chocolate totally count as lunch. I really love that all the girls I know who ride totally support each other and no one rags on anyone because they are last down or bit it off a rail. When I first heard about a B4BC event at our local mountain, I was so proud. Here were two things dear to my heart all rolled up into one great package. As B4BC grew, so did a close friend’s involvement in the organization. Of course I was happy to write a short piece about why it’s personal to me.

It became even more personal last year when the hospital called back after a mammogram screening caught something and asked me to come in for a biopsy follow up. “Really?” I thought, “Already?” I was expecting follow up appointments later in life but not at 30. The biopsy came back normal but I have more frequent screenings now. One of my favorite things about B4BC is their emphasis on early detection. Breast cancer effects women of all ages and all women should know how their breasts feel and what is normal. Could early detection have saved my mom’s life? I don’t know, but I do know it’s personal to me and I am proud to support B4BC.

B4BC: When and how did you discover a breast ‘lump’?
Jeff: I never found a lump. I was recovering from a severe rotator cuff reconstruction surgery (3 complete ruptures and a detached bicep), and noticed a dark brown discharge from my nipple after getting out of my sling and spinning on my stationery bike. Checked it with a mammogram that found some calcification, which led to them finding the breast cancer.

B4BC: Tell us the medical journey you have gone through so far.
Jeff: It’s been crazy. I was recovering from the biggest injury in my athletic career, and just started doing light cardio as part of my shoulder rehab. After having a brown discharge from my right nipple, I had a mammogram done. We found some minor calcification but no indication of Cancer. I had a biopsy that found Atypical Ductal Hyperplasia, and we scheduled a Lumpectomy. The lumpectomy found Stage 0 DCIS, and we scheduled a Mastectomy. In between the lumpectomy and mastectomy, we found a Stage 1 Leydig Cell tumor in my right testicle and had it removed two days later. So, in a matter of 5 weeks, I had a lumpectomy, Orchiectomy, and Mastectomy. This spring, I had another small discharge from my left nipple, and I had a breast MRI that found no indication of cancer. We elected for a Mastectomy anyways and it found a small DCIS just behind my nipple that didn’t show up on imaging. The good news is that nothing has metastasized, and all my blood work is good. Before my rotator cuff surgery at 48, I had managed to avoid surgery. In the last two years, I have racked up 5 major surgeries under anesthesia.

B4BC: Gene or hormone related?
Jeff: Hormone (Estrogen sensitive).

B4BC: Are you taking hormone suppressors?
Jeff: No.

B4BC: Tell us what you have learned about breast cancer in men.
Jeff: That it is more common than I thought. Hell, I found out that even actor Richard Roundtree had breast cancer in 1993. He was best known for playing Shaft in the 1970’s and was the image of masculinity at the time. He survived after a double mastectomy and chemotherapy. Today, there are almost 3000 cases of male breast cancer diagnosed in the US each year, but my discussions with doctors and health care providers have led me to believe that it is much more common than we know. Men typically get DCIS, a slow growing and less invasive type of breast cancer. There are most likely a lot of men that have it and are never diagnosed. It is not really something that is looked for at the time of death from other causes.

B4BC: What do you feel is your ‘why’?
Jeff: We aren’t sure, but I believe that the “why” for my breast cancer was a case of testicular cancer. I had a very rare Leydig Cell tumor in my right testicle, and only found it because of the breast cancer diagnosis. I did a TON of research into causes for male breast cancer, and it was the only one that made sense. I didn’t have any genetic markers or family history for breast cancer, so the most likely causes were steroid use, high soy intake, or testicular tumor/ cancer. I never took steroids and had always avoided soy, so I had my doctors check for testicular tumors. We found a 2.5cm mass a week after my first breast lumpectomy, and I was in surgery two days later.

B4BC: What do you feel has been the biggest hurdle or challenge being a man managing breast cancer diagnosis and treatment?
Jeff: The hardest part of my cancer journey was coming to terms with the idea of leaving my wife behind alone if I didn’t survive. It completely gutted me, and still hits hard when I think about it. Next to that, everything else was easy. I cannot honestly say that I have had any major hurdles or challenges managing my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. My health team has been amazing beyond belief. From my primary care doctor who ordered my first tests, to my breast surgeon Dr. O’Brien, my oncologist Dr. Spiegelmen, and the amazing nurses and office staff at Lahey Medical, everyone has been so incredibly supportive on my journey. What has been the most difficult is coming to realize how hard and painful the journey is for most men and women who fight breast cancer. My goal for the future is twofold- to raise awareness for early detection and raise funds to help those with less support survive their battle.

B4BC: Are there any ‘integrated’ health treatments you may have included with conventional treatments?
Jeff: I have been intermittent fasting for the last 12 months or so. I average 16 hour fasts daily, with a few longer ones thrown in when I feel good. In the first 6 or so months after my surgery, I supplemented a lot with vitamins to help “restock” my depleted stores. I also went back to my old habit of cold rinses in the shower from my days as a mountain bike racer.

B4BC: Tell us your thoughts on moving forward for yourself, and if you have been able to integrate the silver linings from cancer into your life at this point.
Jeff: I was already aware of how fortunate and privileged I am in my life, but my cancer diagnosis and fight forced me to become more patient and kinder to others. I came to realize that we are never truly aware of the struggles and pain others are going through, and the more gracious we can try to be the more we help those around us. It humbled me in a way that I never anticipated. I was a high-level coach and athlete that was very healthy. I exercised a ton, ate healthy, stopped drinking, and had even cut out dairy a few years prior to my diagnosis. It was easy to ascribe blame or reasons for people that suffered from health issues- I learned that being healthy didn’t prevent my cancer. It is important for me to share that being strong and healthy going into my fight was a huge advantage. Also, being an athlete gave me a solution-oriented mindset. It had also taught me to educate myself as much as possible and to advocate for myself at every opportunity. When I was going through my surgeries and recovery, I was able to work from home and run numerous coach education and training clinics remotely. I made a sign next to my monitor to remind me of what was important, and still think about it every day- “Be Grateful, Be Patient, and Be Kind”. I am still trying to live up to those ideals every day.
Thank you for everything B4BC does to help and thank you for the opportunity to share my story.

B4BC: Tell us where you are on your path, and would you consider it a “cancer journey” or “healing path”? Why? 

Nikki: I would consider it both! A cancer journey healing path, because you can’t get to the healing without the journey. 

Right now, I’m more onto the healing path part of the cancer continuum, being 3 years out from Stage 3 diagnosis just this week—my birthday week. So, I often consider myself reborn since my diagnosis. Bald and crying, the whole nine yards. As cliché as it sounds, I have a new lease on life, with new chances each day to live more fully and joyfully. 

I am healing daily in the micro-moments as well as the bigger picture. It’s incredible to look back and witness my growth and strength. I wrote this little poem just the other day: “Three years ago, cancer came. It’s since gone, and I remain, fully reborn and yet the same.”

B4BC: Is there something or someone in particular that has made you feel at home in your body while processing cancer? 

Nikki: My cat, Cosmo TigerWolf, grounds me instantly when he comes near, and especially if he lays on my chest, so times when I was sick or resting, he was just the best. 

But being in nature was what allowed me to most feel alive, which is something that’s hard to feel when you’re experiencing cancer. Being diagnosed in the summer, I found myself in my garden, my cheeks flushed from chemo, being in awe of the ladybugs, gaining inspiration from butterflies, and enjoying the vibrancy of the flowers and greenery, even if blinking through tears. 

I started each and every morning, no matter the season, with a gulp of fresh air, I would imagine it oxygenating my blood stream. These days, the big morning breaths are still a habit, but the visualization not so much. But reflecting on this question, I realize how much healing visualization and meditation helped me feel at home (and safe) in my body. 

Similarly, mindful movement like yoga and simple walks with purpose helped as well. 

B4BC: Integrated therapies? Could you recommend any for someone newly diagnosed? 

Nikki: My recommendation would be to find an integrative oncologist to have on your care team. My naturopath is trained in oncology and helped me not only mitigate side effects of traditional treatments, she’s continued to help me with complementary care, such as different types of bloodwork than what my clinical oncologist looks at. Just this month, after 3 years of attempting to balance my copper and zinc, we finally got there! I consider her a great ally and come to her about so many different topics for us to explore, like using mushrooms to help prevent recurrence, or to understand just how much protein would be best for my energy levels. It’s very individualized, while based on best practices.  

Other integrative/body therapies I highly recommend with your doctor’s blessing are physical therapy, lymphatic/oncology massage, acupuncture, and chiropractic care.

B4BC: Support groups or individual therapy?

Nikki: BOTH. Still. Forever.

B4BC: Is diet an important part of your healing? Did anything change in particular once you were diagnosed?

Nikki: Diet was the one thing I felt like I could actually control when the rest of my life was seemingly out of control, especially in the early days of diagnosis. I felt empowered to know that I was doing what I could to help myself heal and feel better. I made a whiteboard of things that worked for me and what didn’t. My shopping list during chemo was mostly kombucha and organic beets (my weird cravings!) and tapping into my community circles for folks who made the best bone broth.  

Continuing nutrition past diagnosis is challenging for my personality, and can be especially hard for me as a full-time working mom. Meal planning plus family tastes makes my head spin sometimes. But I also know I’m on the right track. That’s why I said therapy and support groups are forever lol. I still lean into my community and experts for support – and diet/nutrition is one of the healing modalities that’s important to me and that others can help me understand and develop, especially as it relates to breast cancer.

B4BC: Yoga? Meditation? Sports? Nature? How do they support your overall well being?

Nikki: Yes please, all of the above. While I’m not huge into sports, I do like to toss the football with my teen sons, or slap my skateboard down to show my kids, yes, your mom can ollie. I find that’s actually another one of my healers—playfulness. 

But when it comes to yoga and meditation and nature, they are 100 percent pillars in my overall well-being. But here’s my secret: I do them all in small doses. 

It can be overwhelming to think about a new exercise routine, or to try to get to the gym for 150 minutes of exercise, whatever your goal is. Or it can seem out-of-reach to plan a big nature outing, or meditation can seem like a time suck in our busy lives. 

But the truth is, instead of scrolling on my phone for 10 more minutes in the morning, I get up, get on my yoga mat and do a 10-minute yoga routine on YouTube to start my day. 

If I can’t plan three days in the woods, I walk my neighborhood, listening only for the birds, looking only for the bugs and the leaves, allowing the breeze or the sun or the rain to be observed and absorbed. 

Starting small has given me the time to see the awesome benefits that these choices make – and now that I’m stronger and more inspired to continue, I’ve become involved in my local LiveStrong program through the YMCA – which provides 12 weeks of free membership, support, and training to those who have experienced cancer. 

I’d be remiss to not talk about how incredible the experience of snowboarding for the first time in nearly a decade was – B4BC really brought out a latent understanding of how capable I truly am of doing challenging things – and I had to do it with trust and presence. 

I still quote my B4BC snowboard instructor as a metaphor in this cancer journey healing path: “Sternum up. Stand tall. Look where you’re going. Breathe! That’s it. Notice the beauty around you. Breathe. Don’t look behind you, you can trust others. Trust yourself. Stand tall and just go!” 

These words worked on the mountain, and they work for me now as inspiration.

B4BC: Do you feel supported enough through the emotional/psychological aspects that cancer brings? How do you find support there if you do indeed feel supported?  

Nikki: Cancer is an incredibly isolating experience, even if surrounded by support. So, as I found myself toddling through the wake of diagnosis, I knew the number one person that I needed to find support from was myself. I’d heard of healing one’s inner child, I’d recognized transformation in others who have gone through harrowing life experiences, but it truly had to start with me. I had to be open to feeling all the feels through this. I had to face fear and mortality in ways I never could have imagined. And while I had family and friends nearby to spot me on the tightrope – I was the only one who could walk it. 

Once I allowed that depth of experience within, I could open up to those around me, and to begin finding the words to help me explain what I was going through and how they could help. 

And to go beyond my local support, I truly found (find) amazing individuals in social media communities who GET IT. And to extend that into opportunities like ones that B4BC offers is priceless. Nothing quite like those strangers-turned-sisters, who show up, no words needed, to lend a hand or straighten a crown.

B4BC: Today, what is the best way for you to feel GOOD?

Nikki: To be here now. 

B4BC: Has intimacy been a challenge and or much needed for you during cancer treatment?

Nikki: My intimacy challenges began before cancer treatment, as I carry the BRCA1 gene mutation, predisposing me for ovarian, breast, and other cancers. So it was actually 2 years before breast cancer that I removed my ovaries – putting me into instant menopause. 

In some ways, that laid the groundwork for my husband and I when cancer visited. I’d been brave enough to tell him about things like clitoral atrophy, the importance of lube, and other uncomfortable topics. During treatment, sexuality was not on my radar, and some days I didn’t even want hugs, but I also found solace in intimate moments like holding hands at sunset, or the joy we both had in feeling the fuzz on my head during hair regrowth. Intimacy has a lot of definitions for each person and relationship, after all. 

After my double mastectomy, my body completely changed again. But I recognize that my partner loves me and has been attracted to me in all my forms – pre and post pregnancy, cancer, and now, inching more toward my silver years, I’m confident our intimacy will stay intact, ebbing and flowing naturally.

B4BC: Survivorship or Thriver-ship? Please define what that means to you.

Nikki: Similar to the cancer journey healing path idea, I think these terms are a spectrum. I think you are surviving and thriving since the day of diagnosis.

B4BC: THC or CBD? Did either or both help you through your treatment? 

Nikki: While my regime didn’t have as much intentionality (partook simply on feeling), I did use both in edible (rarely) and smokeable (occasionally) ways. I love my CBD ointments for use on my surgical areas and radiation fibrosis that can flare up and cause pain. Topical use can be really effective. Smoking helped with appetite and could also be a helpful tool for insight or calming mental chatter.

B4BC: Are you taking any supplements / vitamins that you feel support you and your health?

Nikki: Working with my integrative oncologist, I take the following: B12, D3, and Zinc. I also take other supplements to aid in clearing the body of contrast dyes when getting routine scans, and our next venture will be to integrate mushroom use, like Turkey Tail, into my care plan.

B4BC: Is there any doctor/healer/practitioner/person in particular on your team you want to give a shout out to?

Nikki: Well, shoot, with all this love to my integrative doc, I’ve gotta give a shoutout to Dr. Jenna Bailey with Seattle Integrative Oncology! I’m also super appreciative of my team at Genetic Support Foundation, and all my care providers at Providence.