Sister Saturdays – Nikki McCoy
.
B4BC: Tell us where you are on your path, and would you consider it a “cancer journey” or “healing path”? Why?
Nikki: I would consider it both! A cancer journey healing path, because you can’t get to the healing without the journey.
Right now, I’m more onto the healing path part of the cancer continuum, being 3 years out from Stage 3 diagnosis just this week—my birthday week. So, I often consider myself reborn since my diagnosis. Bald and crying, the whole nine yards. As cliché as it sounds, I have a new lease on life, with new chances each day to live more fully and joyfully.
I am healing daily in the micro-moments as well as the bigger picture. It’s incredible to look back and witness my growth and strength. I wrote this little poem just the other day: “Three years ago, cancer came. It’s since gone, and I remain, fully reborn and yet the same.”
B4BC: Is there something or someone in particular that has made you feel at home in your body while processing cancer?
Nikki: My cat, Cosmo TigerWolf, grounds me instantly when he comes near, and especially if he lays on my chest, so times when I was sick or resting, he was just the best.
But being in nature was what allowed me to most feel alive, which is something that’s hard to feel when you’re experiencing cancer. Being diagnosed in the summer, I found myself in my garden, my cheeks flushed from chemo, being in awe of the ladybugs, gaining inspiration from butterflies, and enjoying the vibrancy of the flowers and greenery, even if blinking through tears.
I started each and every morning, no matter the season, with a gulp of fresh air, I would imagine it oxygenating my blood stream. These days, the big morning breaths are still a habit, but the visualization not so much. But reflecting on this question, I realize how much healing visualization and meditation helped me feel at home (and safe) in my body.
Similarly, mindful movement like yoga and simple walks with purpose helped as well.
B4BC: Integrated therapies? Could you recommend any for someone newly diagnosed?
Nikki: My recommendation would be to find an integrative oncologist to have on your care team. My naturopath is trained in oncology and helped me not only mitigate side effects of traditional treatments, she’s continued to help me with complementary care, such as different types of bloodwork than what my clinical oncologist looks at. Just this month, after 3 years of attempting to balance my copper and zinc, we finally got there! I consider her a great ally and come to her about so many different topics for us to explore, like using mushrooms to help prevent recurrence, or to understand just how much protein would be best for my energy levels. It’s very individualized, while based on best practices.
Other integrative/body therapies I highly recommend with your doctor’s blessing are physical therapy, lymphatic/oncology massage, acupuncture, and chiropractic care.
B4BC: Support groups or individual therapy?
Nikki: BOTH. Still. Forever.
B4BC: Is diet an important part of your healing? Did anything change in particular once you were diagnosed?
Nikki: Diet was the one thing I felt like I could actually control when the rest of my life was seemingly out of control, especially in the early days of diagnosis. I felt empowered to know that I was doing what I could to help myself heal and feel better. I made a whiteboard of things that worked for me and what didn’t. My shopping list during chemo was mostly kombucha and organic beets (my weird cravings!) and tapping into my community circles for folks who made the best bone broth.
Continuing nutrition past diagnosis is challenging for my personality, and can be especially hard for me as a full-time working mom. Meal planning plus family tastes makes my head spin sometimes. But I also know I’m on the right track. That’s why I said therapy and support groups are forever lol. I still lean into my community and experts for support – and diet/nutrition is one of the healing modalities that’s important to me and that others can help me understand and develop, especially as it relates to breast cancer.
B4BC: Yoga? Meditation? Sports? Nature? How do they support your overall well being?
Nikki: Yes please, all of the above. While I’m not huge into sports, I do like to toss the football with my teen sons, or slap my skateboard down to show my kids, yes, your mom can ollie. I find that’s actually another one of my healers—playfulness.
But when it comes to yoga and meditation and nature, they are 100 percent pillars in my overall well-being. But here’s my secret: I do them all in small doses.
It can be overwhelming to think about a new exercise routine, or to try to get to the gym for 150 minutes of exercise, whatever your goal is. Or it can seem out-of-reach to plan a big nature outing, or meditation can seem like a time suck in our busy lives.
But the truth is, instead of scrolling on my phone for 10 more minutes in the morning, I get up, get on my yoga mat and do a 10-minute yoga routine on YouTube to start my day.
If I can’t plan three days in the woods, I walk my neighborhood, listening only for the birds, looking only for the bugs and the leaves, allowing the breeze or the sun or the rain to be observed and absorbed.
Starting small has given me the time to see the awesome benefits that these choices make – and now that I’m stronger and more inspired to continue, I’ve become involved in my local LiveStrong program through the YMCA – which provides 12 weeks of free membership, support, and training to those who have experienced cancer.
I’d be remiss to not talk about how incredible the experience of snowboarding for the first time in nearly a decade was – B4BC really brought out a latent understanding of how capable I truly am of doing challenging things – and I had to do it with trust and presence.
I still quote my B4BC snowboard instructor as a metaphor in this cancer journey healing path: “Sternum up. Stand tall. Look where you’re going. Breathe! That’s it. Notice the beauty around you. Breathe. Don’t look behind you, you can trust others. Trust yourself. Stand tall and just go!”
These words worked on the mountain, and they work for me now as inspiration.
B4BC: Do you feel supported enough through the emotional/psychological aspects that cancer brings? How do you find support there if you do indeed feel supported?
Nikki: Cancer is an incredibly isolating experience, even if surrounded by support. So, as I found myself toddling through the wake of diagnosis, I knew the number one person that I needed to find support from was myself. I’d heard of healing one’s inner child, I’d recognized transformation in others who have gone through harrowing life experiences, but it truly had to start with me. I had to be open to feeling all the feels through this. I had to face fear and mortality in ways I never could have imagined. And while I had family and friends nearby to spot me on the tightrope – I was the only one who could walk it.
Once I allowed that depth of experience within, I could open up to those around me, and to begin finding the words to help me explain what I was going through and how they could help.
And to go beyond my local support, I truly found (find) amazing individuals in social media communities who GET IT. And to extend that into opportunities like ones that B4BC offers is priceless. Nothing quite like those strangers-turned-sisters, who show up, no words needed, to lend a hand or straighten a crown.
B4BC: Today, what is the best way for you to feel GOOD?
Nikki: To be here now.
B4BC: Has intimacy been a challenge and or much needed for you during cancer treatment?
Nikki: My intimacy challenges began before cancer treatment, as I carry the BRCA1 gene mutation, predisposing me for ovarian, breast, and other cancers. So it was actually 2 years before breast cancer that I removed my ovaries – putting me into instant menopause.
In some ways, that laid the groundwork for my husband and I when cancer visited. I’d been brave enough to tell him about things like clitoral atrophy, the importance of lube, and other uncomfortable topics. During treatment, sexuality was not on my radar, and some days I didn’t even want hugs, but I also found solace in intimate moments like holding hands at sunset, or the joy we both had in feeling the fuzz on my head during hair regrowth. Intimacy has a lot of definitions for each person and relationship, after all.
After my double mastectomy, my body completely changed again. But I recognize that my partner loves me and has been attracted to me in all my forms – pre and post pregnancy, cancer, and now, inching more toward my silver years, I’m confident our intimacy will stay intact, ebbing and flowing naturally.
B4BC: Survivorship or Thriver-ship? Please define what that means to you.
Nikki: Similar to the cancer journey healing path idea, I think these terms are a spectrum. I think you are surviving and thriving since the day of diagnosis.
B4BC: THC or CBD? Did either or both help you through your treatment?
Nikki: While my regime didn’t have as much intentionality (partook simply on feeling), I did use both in edible (rarely) and smokeable (occasionally) ways. I love my CBD ointments for use on my surgical areas and radiation fibrosis that can flare up and cause pain. Topical use can be really effective. Smoking helped with appetite and could also be a helpful tool for insight or calming mental chatter.
B4BC: Are you taking any supplements / vitamins that you feel support you and your health?
Nikki: Working with my integrative oncologist, I take the following: B12, D3, and Zinc. I also take other supplements to aid in clearing the body of contrast dyes when getting routine scans, and our next venture will be to integrate mushroom use, like Turkey Tail, into my care plan.
B4BC: Is there any doctor/healer/practitioner/person in particular on your team you want to give a shout out to?
Nikki: Well, shoot, with all this love to my integrative doc, I’ve gotta give a shoutout to Dr. Jenna Bailey with Seattle Integrative Oncology! I’m also super appreciative of my team at Genetic Support Foundation, and all my care providers at Providence.
