Sister Saturdays – Kelsie Barnhart
We are continuously inspired by the incredible young women of our survivorship community, and twenty-eight year old Kelsie is no exception. We hope you are as inspired by her story as we are!
“I think my main focus/message right now is in regards to the lasting mental, physical, and spiritual effects of something like a cancer diagnosis in your 20s or 30s. Before cancer, I would have thought if someone was a “survivor” or had “beat cancer” then they were all better and full of gratitude. What I have come to learn over the past 2+ years is that gratitude is just one piece of a very complicated puzzle. There is also continual grief for what has been lost, continual joy for a life regained, continual fear of recurrence, and continued awe for any time we are given on earth. I’ve learned that emotions are not linear nor are they mutually exclusive.” – Kelsie
Do you remember the day you were diagnosed? And is cancer ‘in your family’?
I was diagnosed on December 18, 2018 – just after my 27th birthday. I had noticed a lump in my right breast a few weeks earlier and was thankfully able to see a doctor right away. I have zero history of breast cancer in my family and limited history of any cancer. It was an absolute shock to all of us and statistically very improbable – less than 1% of breast cancers are women in their 20s.
Current treatment plan?
I am on the tail end of major treatment and currently N.E.D – No Evidence of Disease (yay!). I underwent a single radical mastectomy because the cancer spanned my whole breast and had reached a lymph node. I decided not to have reconstruction in order to avoid any future complications or follow-up surgeries. I also have 18 weeks of chemo, an additional 34 weeks of IV antibody infusions, and 5 weeks of proton radiation under my belt. Now, I am in the midst of a 5-year treatment plan on two different medicines that cut out all the estrogen in my body (since that was feeding the cancer). That means I am in menopause in my 20s.
Are milestones celebratory for you?
I love celebrating different days within my cancer journey! Things like my diagnosis day, years since surgery and becoming cancer free, or finishing chemo are a big deal to me. It sounds cliche, but I have found it to be really healing to remember what I have been through in order to appreciate each day I have left.
Yoga or meditation?
My oncologist went to Yale Medical and even he has said yoga is one of the best things a cancer patient can do. So many of our treatments cause scar tissue or joint pain – just think of me as the 29 year old tin woman 🙂 Yoga is the “oiling can” that keeps things moving and grooving. Not to mention the way that it slows down my circular thinking.
What’s the hardest part of all of this?
The cancer I had was fed by two main things (a certain protein called HER2 and estrogen) which made it rather aggressive. The hardest part is knowing I am doing everything in my own control to keep the cancer from coming back, but at the end of the day that might not be enough. My chances of recurrence are still 25% and it would be stage four at that point. There are truly no guarantees in the cancer world.
What’s the easiest part of all this?
I was so incredibly blessed to not have any financial concerns during treatment. I don’t have traditional insurance and I actually belong to a program called Samaritan Ministries – basically it is people paying each other’s medical bills directly. I had almost a million dollars in bills (you can see how easily people go bankrupt from an unexpected diagnosis) and didn’t pay anything myself! I’ve actually gotten personal payments and notes from 360 families across the country and it has been a true bright spot during an otherwise terrible situation.
What makes you happy in the midst?
I’ve always been an adventurous person but cancer kind of kicked that in overdrive. Trying new hobbies, making new recipes, and developing new friendships has been so life-giving. Post cancer Kelsie now knows how to paddle board, how to make risotto, and how to load film into a camera – those little experiences make me smile in the day to day.
Does nature/being outdoors support your physical or emotional well-being? What are your favorite activities?
Definitely! One of my goals during treatment was to walk 100 miles during the 18 weeks that I was getting chemo. I knew from the beginning that being outside and out of my cancer bubble would help me feel more like myself during such a disorienting time. Since then, I have kept up with paddle boarding, hiking, and outdoor yoga as well. My body doesn’t have the stamina it once did and I am not sure if it ever will. But I am learning to be thankful for anything and everything that it can still do.
What would you say today to a young woman being diagnosed with breast cancer?
It is totally okay to feel multiple emotions at once. I put so much pressure on myself during treatment to be happy with certain accomplishments like the last day of chemo. It felt such a relief when I realized I could be happy and sad at the same time. Also, being diagnosed with any type of cancer uproots all your plans but it is so important to keep dreaming and planning even if those plans are always changing.
