Sister Saturdays – Bee Nikula

Do you remember the day you were diagnosed? Is breast cancer ‘in your family’? 

Absolutely, it was December 21st, 2018 (Winter Solstice), I was just about finished my work day before heading into the Christmas holidays.  My husband and I already had the car packed as we were about to take off afterward to go on a cat skiing trip the following day.   Around 3:30pm, I received a call from the Health Clinic in my little village to go over my biopsy reports as soon as possible.  At that moment, my intuition was telling me to brace myself, I could feel heavy news was coming due to the urgency they had placed on the phone call.  I walked over to the Clinic with my husband and a doctor covering for mine called us in. You could tell by her body language that this was going to be a difficult conversation and soon the words came out of her mouth, “I am so sorry, it’s Breast Cancer.”  The silence in the room was intense, tears filled not only my eyes but my partners as well, but at the same time, a sense of calm came over me.  I took a deep breath, letting the wave of emotions settle.  When the Doctor asked how I was doing, I told her I still planned on going snowboarding the following day as now more than ever, I was going to live my life.  She commended me for that and agreed to check in with me over the weekend while we worked out the next steps. As we walked out of the office, we hopped in our car, sat in silence and drove under the bright, almost full moon for the next four hours. The next day, the sun was shining, the snow fresh, and while I took each turn I forgot for a split second the news that had just been delivered and forever changed my life.

In terms of my family, there really is no history of breast cancer (or any cancer) on either side.  My diagnosis really hit us all hard because of this.  I did genetic testing and did not test positive for any of the BRCA genes.

Current treatment plan? 

As of December 10, 2021, I am one full year of NED (no evidence of disease)!

For myself, I took a more holistic approach for a treatment plan, emphasizing on integrated therapies.  I still follow many of my practices and protocols that I started two years ago and I believe this has helped me get to where I am today.  For full details on what I have been doing to help heal myself and my body, I could probably write a book, haha.

CBD or THC? 

Both.  For myself, I have been using a higher dose of THC to CBD oil to help with reduction of tumor growth and metastasis.  In addition, I would use cannabis for sleep aid and pain management after my lumpectomy/lymph node removal. In addition, I have introduced micro-dosing with psilocybin into my healing tool kit as I have found it to be very beneficial for anxiety, PTSD and boosting my overall outlook on life.

Yoga or meditation? 

Prior to my diagnosis, minimal of both practices.  Fast forward to now, they are a pivotal part of my healing process. I am constantly blown away at what the mind can do and meditation helps us tap into that superhuman power.  I believe that we have the ability to change the outcome of our life simply on our beliefs.

Slowing down and moving my body has opened up a completely new perspective for me.  I am forever grateful for the first group yoga class I did up at Baldface Lodge with B4BC ~ prior to that, I was someone who just practiced at home on my own with YouTube videos.  My love for yoga has continued to evolve and I am blessed I found this practice and the teachers that come along with it.

Anything missing in your support system? 

My support system was and still in – amazing!  I fully acknowledge how lucky I am to have the tribe I do around me.  My family, friends, coworkers and complete strangers have truly supportive me on a level I didn’t even know was possible.  Stepping back and asking for support was not easy for me but when I did, it released healing powers for me as I could feel the love all around me, granting me space to rest and recover.

Is covid affecting your life today? If so, in what way? 

COVID hasn’t overly affected my life in the last 9 months.  Sure, it has made some appointments a bit harder than before since you typically can’t have a family member be there to support you but overall, my day to day has not changed much as I have worked from home over the last 7 years and live in a remote, quiet village.  The biggest challenge for me has been the lack of physical human connection as I thrive off that.  And well, travel.  I want to get to those sandy beaches and waves!

What’s the hardest part of all of this?

Letting go of who I once was ~ I am no longer the woman I was pre-diagnosis.  I am someone completely new.  Going through a life changing diagnosis like breast cancer can shift you so much that relationships tend to change.  The change is necessary for growth but feelings of being alone or extremely lonely can creep in.  It is a different type of isolation but I found connecting with  like-minded individuals with similar experiences or organizations like B4BC  really helped break me free from those dark moments.  I am constantly reminded that we are not alone.  There is a community around us that can lift us up when we need it the most.

What’s the easiest part of all this? 

Living each day to the fullest.  If there is one thing cancer taught me was to truly love this beautiful life and body I am gifted to have.  A sticky note I posted in my house that I read daily says, “Each day you wake and take your head off the pillow, you have all that you need.”  I fully believe this and I am grateful to simply open my eyes and experience each day.

What makes you happy? 

Gosh, what doesn’t make me happy is probably an easier answer as I am grateful for so much in my life.  But overall, the one thing that truly lights up my life is being amongst nature. Whether it’s in the mountains, on the ocean, or deep in the forest hugging a tree, grounding myself to nature is what ignites my soul.  Plus, it helps that I have an incredible partner to share this passion with.  Thank you, Kieran.

Does nature/ being outdoors support your physical or emotional well-being? Favorite activities? 

A quote my partner wrote on our whiteboard shortly after my diagnosis was, “Systematically identify and eliminate all of the cancer causes in your life and return to living as close to nature as possible. ”  This rang true to me and became a way of life for me.

Without a doubt, moving my body outdoors amongst Mother Earth has supported me in ways I could have never imagined. Every tough decision I’ve had to make in the last two years, I have gone to nature to help bring clarity and seek guidance on the path I should take.  My connection has not only deepened, it will only grow stronger as my practices evolve and my curiosity continues.  I’ve started to move slower, more aware of my surroundings which draws me to long hikes in the mountains, remote camping excursions, cruisy bike rides with the dogs, and splitboarding throughout the winter.  This is my therapy, my safe place.  If there is an opportunity to be outdoors, I will take it as it really is where I feel most at home.

What would you say today to a young woman being diagnosed with breast cancer?